Stories Between Songs

I want to be in the studio. I want to record these songs. I want to print the CDs. I want to have a ginormous CD release party. I want to go on a radio tour. I want to move to the west coast, with an amazing new album, and a new sense of thrill. But right now? I am waiting. Waiting till the moment is right. Waiting for the right studio, the right producer, the right feeling. Waiting for the right amount of money. It’s a lot of waiting. I can be patient. I can keep my hands busy while I wait for the right…everything. I’ve had to be patient before and I certainly can do it again. But don’t you think for a second that I’m not doing everything I can to make this thing happen. 

I give myself a guilt trip anytime I do anything that’s not benefiting the recording process. Yoga class keeps me calm and centered and helps me to process things as they come. Every yoga class is a reminder to be in the moment and focus, hypothetically speaking, on my own mat. I don’t need to be looking around at what everyone else is doing, how far they’re stretching, or what inversion they’re capable of doing at the present time. When I walk out of a yoga class, I take what I learn (sometimes without even knowing it) and channel that mindset into my daily life. However, I give myself such crap for not putting the money I spent on one yoga class into my savings for the album. Why do I do this? I mean, yoga basically makes my brain feel better…for lack of a better phrase. But I can’t help it. 

This album means the world to me and I can’t help but want to pour everything into it.

So, here’s an update: I am currently studio shopping. I am researching studios in the Northern Virginia & DC area. This was easier than I thought. Not to put down this area but I didn’t expect there to be so many AFFORDABLE studios (maybe I’m just used to NYC prices - YIKES). I have my list of 17 songs that will be going on the album. At least, the first track listing. I’m sure this list will change a thousand times but, for now, I am proud of myself for getting it down from 365 to under 20! It took a couple months and an intervention from my family but I did it…and it feels awesome.

So, that’s it guys. I have the songs, I’m meeting producers, touring studios, and will be making my final decision within the next couple of weeks and getting my butt and these amazing songs into the studio by the end of February! EXCITING TIMES!

Thank you for all your support. You guys make the stressed-out, sleepless nights bearable! LOVE YOU ALL!

-HM

I Want

to shove my clothes
to one side of the closet,
give you the bigger half.
Quietly I’ll hide most of my shoes,
so you won’t know I have this many.


I will
rearrange furniture to add more,
find space on my shelves
for your many books,
nail up the placard that says
poets do it, and redo it, and do it again.


I want
to share a laundry basket,
get our clothes mixed up,
wait for the yelling
when my reds run wild
into your whites
turning them a luscious pink,
your favorite color of me.


I will
move my pillow
to the other side of the bed,
lay yours next to mine,
your scent on the fabric
always near me,
even on nights you’re away.


I will
buy a new bureau to hold your
thousand and one black socks,
find a place for all those work boots,
the ones I refer to as big and ugly.


I want
more pots and pans to wash,
piles of them leaning high
from late night meals
cooked naked and drunk,
red wine pouring into
a sauce of simmering
tomatoes, garlic, and olive oil,
kisses bitten between bites,
and platefuls of our late hours,
stacking up into dawn.


I want
to stock cupboards, closets, and pantry,
fill the house with us.
I want to gain weight with you
because our love,
our love makes me fat.

Write and record one song every day for 365 days: CHECK.

As I drive east towards Vegas, my last stop before the Grand Canyon, my mind is wild with ideas for Day 366 and on. This is not the end, it’s just the beginning.

I learned a lot about myself during my stay in Washington. I learned about heritage, friends, and love. There are other areas where I learned things but those three were the big ones. It was an all encompassing kind of trip. I have found that when you go into a situation expecting the unexpected then you open yourself up to the wonder of surprise. Well, I love surprises.

Heritage: I learned that my great-great grandfather was actually Native. We believe Mohawk. However, my grandfather argued that he was Cherokee. Nonetheless, I feel that finding this piece of information out has helped to explain a lot about myself. You see, I have always had a weird connection to nature. I am instantly at peace when I walk through a forest. I feel the most stress when there is not an ounce of nature in sight (my high level of stress while living in NYC makes a lot of sense to me now). Learning that my great-great grandfather was Native helped me conceptualize this fact. I’ve also always been a very spiritual person. I believe in an energy that connects us all. Earth, humans, animals, plants, water…everything. However, I wasn’t raised that way but I have always thought this. Even as a child. As I made the transition into adulthood, I began asking the big question: “Why do I do the things I do?” Well, this trip to Washington gave me the answers I had been searching for. 

Friends: They come and go but the ones that stick are usually the ones that are constantly building and growing in their own life…away from you. The ones that mean the most are those that you can learn from; whether it be in love, relationships, and/or career. I would never have made it this far without the guiding hands of my closest friends. There were a lot of late night calls from Seattle (particularly late on the east coast…sorry!). I stayed with one of my oldest friends while in Seattle and he made me realize something about all my friends: effort has to be made, of course, but the best of friends are the kinds where there really doesn’t have to be much because you just work. Simple as that. I cannot thank those friends enough.

Love: When I began my project One Year of Songs I decided to make an effort to try and write about love from different angles but it wasn’t until I reached Seattle that I realized and truly felt how many varying degrees of love there are. Also, it comes at you best when you are not seeking it. Often times if you make an effort to not love, or rather, not fall for the game of love…that is when it smacks you over the head with a 2x4. I’ve seen this happen to me and with so many friends over the years and Seattle was no different. Maybe next time I won’t be so surprised. Or maybe not. Maybe that’s the beauty of it. 


Like I said, I love surprises. 

It feels invigorating. The end is in sight and I can say with confidence that I have learned more about music and the music business these past two and a half months than in my five years living in NYC. Sometimes you just have to get out there and DO.

And I’m so glad I did.

I’ve seen some pretty amazing things, met some awesome people, and shared a lot of beautiful moments with a lot of good friends. I have also faced a lot of challenges while on the road; a broken down van in both Mississippi and Colorado, cancelled shows and unbooked cities, and plenty of homesickness. However, I wouldn’t trade a single moment. Not one. Both the good and the bad made this summer what it was and will always be: my first ever international tour and my first great adventure.

Also, doing my project while on the road has added so much color to my repertoire. There are songs that I absolutely love that I would have never written if it hadn’t been for this tour.

So, how does it feel to be on my first tour? It feels like the start of something big…

The beauty of being a singer/songwriter is wearing your heart on your sleeve. Ask away!

The beauty of being a singer/songwriter is wearing your heart on your sleeve. Ask away! http://formspring.me/heathermaefoard